I am writing this to those who have followed Bella and my travels through the last few years and found her to be the amazing Dog she truly was. She deserves a memorial and a tribute for being the BEST of her breed and the BEST at faithfulness and unending courage and determination. She was my best friend and she would lay down her life for me, she loved me before anything else in this world. There is nothing we as humans can ask of another entity than that.
I am sitting here, in a daze, a large glass of Bourbon on the desk. I have just come from having my Bella euthanized. I hesitated over that word seeking another more appropriate word to describe her passing. I found many and none of them work, including euthanize. I have given lip service and time written down, to describe the great service we can offer our beloved family members, when it comes time to end their suffering. It was just wasted time. I cannot describe the actual pain and loss that is in my soul at this passing of my Beloved friend and companion. .
Yes, I was able to end her suffering. As I signed the paper work for the procedure I felt this knife slice through my heart. I prayed that I was strong enough to do this horrible thing. I fought off such a pain that nothing but the ending of “a beloved life” can illicit. I cried like a baby as I sat with her. She took massive amounts of sedative to put her in a “resemblance” of sleep, prior to the procedure. She fought to the extreme end to stay awake, so she would not miss our time to leave this foreign place. If I had it to do again I would have the intelligence to have this done at home, a place she was secure with and not worried I was not about to leave her there…she was so worried I was going to leave that she fought the peace giving sleep the Vet tried to give her. All were amazed at her DRIVE to fight the drugs that offered her a peaceful ending… In the end, she finally succumbed to the drugs and then the life ending drug was given. I was told that at a certain point that the drug elicits a alarm factor in their brain and they make an attempt to fight it…she made sounds of alarm and then she growled a slight bit ..she then relaxed and ceased breathing. I wept like a child; uncontrolled grief flowed through me, into my Beloved Bella. She was gone and I am still here to accept her death.
I am a Believer in the arms of my Savior. I pray she is protecting His Throne and we will be reunited again in our afterlife.