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God I am pathetic... It seems I'll grasp at anything to get my immobilized self to start moving my brain and fingers again. It is pathetic that the only place I feel at home is this incendiary site where I frequently leave sparks in the cyber sky like a meteor entering the atmosphere.....on fire. Yet here it seems is the only place my words find a place to rest. I need to write like I need to eat, to survive. I always thought I would be choosy where my words were printed, but LOL, so just as my predecessors have always done….give me a spot to place the words that Maybe read[ or not] and I am happy to toss my battered and bloodied ego to the wind and write something even if it sucks.
OK, so grasping at my only new straw here and it is the fact I am moving into the realm of "morbidly Obese"… as this 'male' doctor had the cheek to diagnose me, recently. I had to laugh, as his definition is anyone 20 lbs or more over their ideal weight.
That weight being calculated by a gaggle of manic-depressives, on legal speed, lacking earned self esteem and a latent hatred of food, fed to them by their poor mothers, who tried to force healthy food into them ,so as to keep them alive..Twiggy, being their role model..... Ah yes, this specimen of humanity was a young-ish -man [to my 70 year old eyes] and looks like he had just emerged from a deprivation holding tank. He had the pallor of light grey/blue around the edges...drk circles ringed a pair of watery blue eyes. Eyes reflecting some basic caring for his fellow person, [I am being fair here]...He tells me I am in his 12% failure rate for gastric stapling. Yah, think about it ....I actually let a gaggle of educated morons cut into my body and staple my stomach to the size of a walnut. Yep ,I did that, after a adult lifetime of fighting the bulge. If I am within the 12 percent, ,then I personally know each and every one of them
SO,, being the corpulent, being that I appear to be,…I am basically healthy. By that I mean, NO hypertension 128/86, All my HDL’S and LDL’s appear to remain in the 5 to 1 ratio where they are medially supposed to be at, aside from the arthritis family disabilities I inherited ….[which is enough on my plate, just a little funny there] .
To the dismay of Modern Medicine. It appears I may live to see my 100th birthday…Even my recent “Upper and Downer” ,Colonoscopy and whatever they call the tube down the throat to check my walnut stomach, everything appears in super shape, no breast cancer, no colon cancer, no heart disease,,no plaque in my arteries…..I’d say I was pretty healthy, as opposed to a fit specimen like “Jim Fixx, who died in his running shoes at a trim 139 lbs……from a massive coronary!
WHOO- RA!.
So he has his heart felt eyes locked on mine [and I listened with a tight grasp on my flip lip]......as he explained to me what a healthy diet really consisted of...I will not bore you with ‘the diet’, but let me say, you could put the whole daily ration in a 4x6x3 cardboard box, excluding the 32 oz's of fluid...that’s not counting MY elixir of the God's....[.wine or spirits]. OK. I will agree I might fit some of my most favorite food items in that box, defying physics I could load that sucker with an easy 25,000 calories BUT the elixir is Mandatory, for me, not him!!”....A failure in his stats! I almost felt giddy. If he only knew the ‘organic secrets’ I held, he might burst a brain vessel....when he added in the spirits, he'd seize up.
BUT...I put on my good face and "looked the Doc .in the eye' and tried to feel remorse.
While I conjured up in my mind;
how would the nice fellow on the Vine …who told me, he reveled in his diagnosis as a Sociopath, as he explained to me he'd like to” EAT me”, like IN Hannibal Lector…feel?..
How would I taste and would I give him High Cholesterol LOL…I’m thinking as I tried to put on that remorseful face..I must have succeeded OR……t he Doc. smiled and hoped I was not smart enough or mad enough to call a mal-practice atty. and sue his ass....for a professional "old fashioned snake oil" con artist..that he was………....Take the money and run.......leaving me with a walnut stomach and still morbidly obese. .
Well I may be a bit cynical and I know there are those fellows on the Vine who think me verbose AND a whiner, but I do understand I need to expel some of this cynicism and verboseness and whine on the Vine….It is what keeps those BAD stats down that will kill me……I also realized I needed to find a way to eat and not be buried in a piano crate. I hate exercise. If you label it some kind of yuppie health gym, with a personal trainer, willing to beat me into submission...with my voluntary consent, I have to pass. I do eat healthy, I do walk, I do still garden and clean my own home….Yahee for me and to add to this year’s forward health march, I bought a Vita mixer….to compete with my buddy Augur’s juicer…….Yes, and I have to tell one and all I have eaten more vegetables, and fruits, whole and raw, in the last two months,than in my entire lifetime prior to now….Guess what? I managed to gain 4 ½ lbs….Yahee, for the Vita mixer….now I am healthier and fatter.
What? You don’t believe me…….shame on you.
